I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
