I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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