Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
