i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
