My room smells like vodka and shame
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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