Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
