Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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