Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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