The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can you bring me the toilet please
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
