I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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