Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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