so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
