We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
