New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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