how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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