two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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