Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
