You really coming over, don't trick.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
