We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
