i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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