My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
