his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
