You're so nebulous sometimes
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
