She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
