I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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