dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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