dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
