Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
