My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
