By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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