Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
