this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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