...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
