there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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