Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize