she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
