ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize