Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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