I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
