chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
