Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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