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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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