I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
