lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
