Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
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