I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
