I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
