i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
