Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Dear god my vagina.
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