New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
why do cheetos always look like penises
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
How's work?
Spinning.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
