i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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