I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
