I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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