Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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