Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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