I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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