I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
