You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
