I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize