please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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