My sheets look like a crime scene.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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