i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
