just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
My feet surprised me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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