i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize