I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
