Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
